How to Be A Better Partner : 15 Easy Tips & Action Items
Romantic relationships can be and usually are hard work, but the more you put in the more you get out. Whether your relationship is on the rocks or you’re just hoping to make your relationship stronger, this guide for how to be a better partner has simple ways to improve your relationship.
Be a good listener : #1 Way for how to be a better partner
When it comes to romantic relationships, being a good listener is probably the most important factor when asking yourself how to be a better partner. We can all always do better at deeply listening and understanding. There’s no one this is more important with than our partners we’ve chosen to spend life and grow with.
This is something I struggle with sometimes. As someone with ADHD, I tend to have trouble not interrupting or getting distracted. This is something I’m working on every day, and it’s paying off big!!
Practicing active listening is a great technique to use to strengthen your listening skills. Asking questions and repeating back what they are saying is one way to do active listening.
Another way is to use nonverbal cues and body language to show you’re listening like maintaining eye contact, nodding and/or turning toward them. A good rule of thumb is to always try to seek to understand more than seeking to be heard.
Practice honest, open communication
Aside from being a great listener, you have to be able to communicate honestly and clearly with your partner. Whether it’s about your own feelings, something as small as what you want for dinner, or something as big as future plans & dreams, it’s always best to share your true feelings and thoughts.
Being open and honest with each other builds mutual respect, trust and a really strong emotional connection to carry you through whatever life throws at you and tough times. Without this, you most likely will either have relationship issues pop up over time or you will grow apart.
With important topics or any strong feelings you’re having, it’s important to have an honest conversation at a time where you can both focus and practice effective communication.
This doesn’t mean always telling your partner everything you’re feeling on a whim – aka oversharing. That is actually a recipe for disaster, which I have first hand experience with. Instead, make sure to collect your thoughts first and wait until strong emotions have passed, to make sure it’s a productive convo instead of a harmful one.
Acknowledge your partner’s feelings
Seek to understand how your partner is feeling, and then acknowledge those feelings to build emotional safety and de-escalate arguments. This is most important when your partner is upset, during meaningful conversations or when talking through a disagreement, but can be used at any point. The better you understand each other the more connected and intimate your relationship will be.
Try using statements like “I understand you’re feeling _____ about _____” and making eye contact when you’re having the conversation. This will validate their feelings and show you empathize with them.
Understand your partner’s love language and practice them
Love languages have become quite a hot topic lately and that’s because love languages make understanding each other in a relationship so much easier.
When it comes to how to be a better partner, this can be one of the most simple and rewarding ways. Just ask your partner out of the five below which ones they care about most, and make sure to give them those things as often as you can. You can take an easy test at Gary Chapman’s website.
- Physical touch – self explanatory
- Quality time – quality time just the two of you
- Words of affirmation – compliments, being affectionate verbally
- Acts of service – doing things for you not expecting reciprocation
- Gifts – self explanatory
Small gestures regularly to show you care
Unless you’re a super hero we are pretty much all busy, all the time. Thankfully making just a few small, simple gestures each week on a regular basis can go a long way to show your partner how much you care. Following on love languages, you can easily use your partner’s love languages for ideas of how to make these small gestures.
For example- if they care about acts of service, you could take on one of their household tasks every once in a while. Or if you know they prefer words of affirmation, giving them a compliment on their way out the door is a great idea.
Some other ideas:
- Leave sticky notes for each other
- A nice or flirty midday text
- Playful touch here and there
- Bringing them back a little food or treat when you’re out without them
- Eye contact across the room or a wink if that’s something you can do 🤣
- Saying something nice about them to friends or family during an outing
- Holding hands for a minute or two
Small things that only take a second to a long way over time.
Flirt with each other
Flirting usually comes pretty natural during the beginning of a relationship, but as daily life and responsibilities start getting in the way it can be hard to find the energy. Flirting and showing interest in eachother in that way is very important for a relationship over time.
Try to keep your sense of humor and a lightness about you even when you’ve had a long day. A little eye contact or a compliment can go a long way!
Avoid resentment and forgive
An overlooked way of how to be a better partner in this era is to make sure we aren’t unconsciously or consciously building resentment. This can happen when small problems build over time, or when we don’t forgive our partners for little things that happen over the course of our relationship.
Negative feelings that aren’t worked through don’t just disappear. The healthiest relationships are the ones that don’t have resentment between partners.
Make sure you speak up about unmet needs in your relationship as soon as it’s clear that the problem won’t fix itself and ask your partner to do the same. If you have problems you aren’t able to work through, there’s no shame in going to couples therapy together!
Practice gratitude for your partner
In a new relationship, it’s easy to romanticize everything about your partner. But over time as you get used to being with your partner and it gets more comfortable, it can be really easy to take what you have for granted.
This is especially when our lives are so busy with tight schedules and never ending to do lists, which is why reflecting on what you love about your partner regularly is so powerful.
It’s great to share those things with them, but you don’t have to! The purpose is to bring those things to the forefront of your mind, which redirects your thoughts away from everyday bickering or problems, to the things you love about each other. This one is especially good for people in a long-term relationship and who have been together a long time.
Learn how to fight well
Relationship experts agree that happy couples are couples who know how to disagree and then come back together stronger. Learning how to argue or have disagreements without them derailing your relationship is a sign of good communication and having the ability as a couple to get through tough times.
Some warning signs you should work on how you argue or work through problems together are frequent screaming matches, resentment, persistent problems that don’t get solved, or needing to vent frequently about your partner.
On the other hand, things you can do to work through problems in a healthy way are to give each other space while emotions are high, acknowledge your partners feelings and to work through problems before you start feeling resentment.
Work through past trauma and unhealthy habits
There’s probably nothing more important when it comes to how to be a better partner than loving yourself and your life first. If you don’t, it’s time to make some changes or do some inner work.
Identifying any unhealthy or bad habits, past trauma and/or thought patterns that no longer serve you and working through them will make you a better person both in and out of your relationship. Personal growth = relationship growth.
Take interest in each others passions + hobbies and find shared ones
If your partner is really passionate about something in their life, show interest as a way to express that you care about their happiness. You doesn’t mean you have to fake being super into something like sports if you aren’t, but occasionally showing interest and supporting their passions doesn’t go unnoticed.
More importantly, you can also take the initiative to try to find shared hobbies that you can do together. A few my husband and I have started is cooking, biking, pickleball and ping pong. I also love going into the golf course with him while he golfs and hanging out in the cart on a nice day.
Trying new things together is a bonding experience and you may just find a lifelong hobby from it!
Fill up your cup : Take care of your body and mind
The best way to be good romantic partners it to make sure you are feeling good overall in your life. There’s no sustainable way to love others when you don’t love yourself first.
Your mental health has a huge effect on your partner every day. Make sure to skilled therapist to talk to if you have things you’d like to work through. Other daily practices that are great for your mental health are journalling, mindfulness and meditation and practicing gratitude.
Take care of your physical health by getting enough sleep, eating healthy and balanced meals, and getting exercise as often as you can.
Prioritize quality time alone together, even when life gets busy
When I talk to others about their relationships, it seems like one of the complaints that come up the most are that there isn’t enough date nights or quality time alone. This is especially true for parents or couples who have different work schedules. Most of the strong relationships I know make sure to get some quality time every week.
Quality time is so important for a relationship. I find one of the biggest reasons for this is that when you go about your everyday life, little grievances and pet peeves with your partner can overshadow what you love about each other.
Make time weekly for alone time. Regular date nights are great for this, but even just time together at the end of the day for a few minutes is great too – preferably without phones or distractions!
Be supportive
It’s hard to imagine a healthy relationship without mutual support, whether during tough times or on a daily basis. Think about how you can show your support for your partner more often.
That could be by picking up extra household responsibilities or picking up their favorite treat when they have a hard day. Or this could look like encouraging growth and their healthy habits.
Have time away from the relationship
There’s nothing healthy or sexy about codependence. While it may be way more comfortable to have your partner by your side most of the time, it’ll be better for both of you in the long run to spend some time outside of your relationship – whether that’s on your own, with friends or both.
Making fun plans and having a life outside of your relationship is also a really healthy way to give your relationship the space that every relationship needs, that will make you want to be with each other more.
It could also mean setting boundaries so that you have some alone time at home. For example, maybe one night a week you sneak away for a long bath with no interruptions. And make sure to always honor boundaries your partner sets up as well.
Lauren Kessel is the author and owner of the Inspired Self Discovery blog. She is passionate about supporting personal growth and transformation in her life and others through yoga, mindfulness, spirituality and personal development. Lauren has been writing for over fifteen years, practicing yoga for even longer, and has always had an interest in inner work.
No Comments